Who Supports the Leaders? The Blind Spot in Workplace Wellbeing

A manager once told me something that’s stayed in my head for weeks:

“Most days, I’m so focused on keeping my team together that I don’t notice when I’m coming apart myself.”

He didn’t say it for sympathy. He just said it like a fact. And that’s what unsettled me. Because I’ve heard echoes of that line in other places, from other leaders, and it’s always the same story. People who are responsible for holding things together often feel like they’re quietly falling apart.

The Part That Slips Through

We’ve become better at talking about employee wellbeing, and that’s progress worth celebrating. But there’s a blind spot. Managers are often left out of that conversation, even though their role puts them in a uniquely stressful position.

They sit in the middle. Executives send down targets, reports, and “urgent” requests. Teams send up questions, expectations, and the daily challenges of doing the work. The manager is the bridge, expected to keep both sides steady while looking calm and in control.

On paper, it works. In real life, it chips away. You get a diary so crowded you don’t know when to breathe. You answer the same questions over and over, even when you’re running on empty. And eventually, the mask of calm doesn’t hold quite as well.

This is why building resilience in the workplace has to mean more than resilience for frontline staff. Managers need it too. Maybe more than anyone, because they’re the ones carrying pressure from both directions.

When the Cracks Show

Stress doesn’t announce itself with a big warning sign. It slips in quietly.

Maybe the manager who usually cracks a joke at the start of a meeting just sits in silence. Maybe their patience runs out faster than usual over something small, like a late report. Or maybe they stop making decisions because their brain is already juggling too many.

None of that means they don’t care. It just means the weight is getting heavier than they can carry alone.

And the team picks up on it. They always do. You can feel when the energy in the room changes, when meetings feel heavier, when people start playing it safe instead of contributing freely. That shift spreads quickly, and once it’s there, it’s hard to ignore.

The Ripple Effect

When a manager struggles, it rarely stays with them. It shows up everywhere. Meetings grow quieter. Ideas shrink. Trust wears thin. Some employees start looking for the exit, not because they dislike the job but because the atmosphere no longer feels safe or stable.

The damage is subtle at first like a leak you don’t notice until it’s spread. But over months, those little cracks in the culture widen, and they take a toll on performance and morale.

And all of it could have been interrupted with one simple, human check-in: “How are you really doing?”

The Loop Managers Know Too Well

Here’s how it often goes:

A manager feels stretched thin, but keeps going because that’s what they think they’re supposed to do. The pressure seeps out anyway, maybe through shorter patience, maybe through pulling back. The team senses it and starts holding back too. Work slows, results slip, and the pressure doubles back onto the manager.

And around it goes.

Some leaders live in that cycle for years without anyone noticing.

Are you a psychologically safe manager? Take the self assessment to find out.

Breaking the Pattern

The good news is it doesn’t always take a huge wellbeing budget or a new corporate program to turn things around. Sometimes it’s smaller, simpler, more human.

A genuine check-in that isn’t rushed.

• Training that’s practical—how to set limits, manage conflict, or recover after a tough stretch.
• Workloads that actually line up with available people and time.
• Leaders who show, by example, that balance isn’t weakness—it’s smart.

Those things may sound basic, but they change the way managers experience their role. And when managers feel steady, their teams feel steadier too.

Rethinking Leadership

We need to let go of the idea that a good leader is someone who never flinches, never doubts, never breaks. Managers are human. They get tired, they get overwhelmed, and they need support just like anyone else. Pretending otherwise only speeds up burnout.

Organizations that understand this treat managers’ wellbeing as a priority, not an afterthought. Because when leaders are healthy, conversations are clearer, decisions come faster, and people feel safer to give their best.

Good leadership has never been about perfection. It’s about presence. It’s about steadiness. It’s about creating the conditions where other people can thrive. That’s the real meaning of building resilience in the workplace, not expecting managers to carry the weight alone, but making sure they have the support they need to keep leading well.